Week in headlines: Alex Ferguson pleasures himself as United take title as red, Spurs Academy Award winning film star scores an own goal and Fifa aren’t corrupt

United’s march to an impending record 19th league title is as welcome in the red half of Manchester as it is by the tabloid press, who have a mountain of puns for such an occasion.

A 2-1 defeat of Chelsea practically ensures the league trophy is theirs and caused the red tops and in particular The Sun, to wheel out a series of amusingly tried and tested headlines.

For those weary of Alex Ferguson’s repeated success at United, the popular press did extend themselves to other stories and bafflingly even managed to squeeze in a reference to an eight time Academy Award winner’s influence on Tottenham’s game with City.

This is the week that was in headlines.

With Arsenal and Chelsea both publically breaking down like guests on the Jeremy Kyle show at various points this season, the title has been United’s to lose. Without ever being as dominant as they have previously, Ferguson’s side strode to the title in the second half of the season. A nail biting end to the title race hasn’t been forthcoming and as The Sun wittily pointed out, United have been able to take the title as red in recent weeks.

Countless grandma’s (with the possible exception of one) will have muttered “he’s a buddun’ that one” this week after the perpetually in trouble Wayne Rooney once again caught the attention of the press, after appearing to flick the v’s at baying Chelsea fans. He could have claimed it was a Churchillian victory salute, but instead decided to claim that he was pointing to his eyes in response to a debated decision. It worked as he was later cleared by the FA of any wrongdoing. The Sun had little interest in the ramifications for Rooney and instead delighted in a classic pun, as they joyously plonked the story on page three next to Hollie, 20, from Manchester.

The achievements of Alex Ferguson are remarkable. Breaking Celtic and Rangers’ dominance with Aberdeen and beating Real Madrid in the final of the 1983 Cup Winners’ Cup is extraordinary, but his success with United is beyond compare. Players, managers, commentators and fans have kindly acknowledged Fergie’s outstanding work at United. The Sun seemingly felt though that no amount of plaudits would satisfy the king of Old Traffford and so instead mocked up an image of him joyfully pleasuring himself from behind.

Not everyone was delighted with United’s success this season. Leading the opposition was famed City fan Noel Gallagher, who took exception to Gary Neville tweeting lyrics from Oasis’ track Fade Away to celebrate his sides impending title. The Sun’s fanaticism with football and unhealthy appetite for trite celeb gossip was duly satisfied with this story and they delighted in printing the singer’s above response. As a caveat they couldn’t resist recounting the tale of when Neville sent Gallagher a guitar to sign and it came back with the affectionate marker pen message: “Happy Birthday knobhead. MCFC x.” I now like Gallagher a little more.

Spurs have had some memorable players down the years. Danny Blanchflower, Jimmy Greaves, Gary Lineker, Gazza, Jürgen Klinsmann to name just a few. The Sun though has revealed that eight time Academy Award winning film legend Peter O’Toole featured against City on Wednesday night. Upon closer inspection however, it is in fact an appropriately clumsy headline for the cumbersome forward Peter Crouch in reference to his own goal, which ended Spurs’ faint hope of returning to the Champions League.

Rhyming in headlines is highly prized by tabloids and they will go to great lengths to squeeze this in, even if the subject and the names of people concerned are horribly distorted in the process. The Sun though are experts in this field. This was exemplified by an ace brace of rhymes in a compact headline to convey Liverpool’s interest in Aston Villa’s forward Ashley Young. Super duper.

Jokes. Even the straight laced BBC must have forced a chuckle when they wrote this headline, after Fifa presidential candidate Mohamed Bin Hammam claimed the governing body isn’t corrupt.

Tags: Aston Villa, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Premier League, Tottenham Hotspur, UEFA Champions League