Week in headlines: Liverpool have lucky pants, Chelsea win some Luiz some and it’s a game of two halfwits

January is usually a time in the football calendar when gossip mongers let loose, as the speculation surrounding possible transfers intensifies.

Andy Gray and Richard Keys have in the last week though made the winter transfer window an insignificance thanks to a number of sexist incidents which have slowly found their way onto YouTube and ultimately ended their twenty year association with Sky Sports.

Add to this an unbelievable radio interview given by Keys, in which he managed to come across as both apologetic and aggressive and every Tom, Dick and Jeremy Clarkson throwing in their two penny worth and the tabloids have had their pages filled for them. Thankfully this has seemingly given them more time to work on their marvellous headlines.

This is the week that was in headlines.

The Guardian’s team time email The Fiver astutely described Keys as a “broadcaster who puts the W in anchor” and I’m sure the Daily Mirror would have liked to express their feelings in such plain terms. Confined by the restraints of decency though, they instead cleverly transformed a football cliché into an insulting term and even managed to find a picture of the pair looking suitably vacant and like the empty vessels they are.

Battling five days a week to establish itself as a broad-loid or tab-sheet, the Evening Standard is a curious mix of celebrity London gossip and serious news coverage. Sports columnist Dan Jones is one journo though who is on the broadsheet side of the fence when it comes to style of his writing. His headlines however are a curious hybrid between a banner from the pages of The Telegraph that resembles the first paragraph of most articles and a light-hearted and vivid tabloid article topper, but the fact that he manages to vacuum pack the crux of the article into a witty and well observed headline is impressive.

Amazingly considering the amount of coverage the Sky Sports halfwits have received, football still managed to squeeze into a few column inches in the nether regions of the tabloids. As everyone’s new favourite underdogs Blackpool deserve attention and they’ve courted a few headlines recently after captain Charlie Adam handed in a transfer request the day before their home game with United. The news was seemingly a shock to manager Ian Holloway and The Sun was equally surprised, so much so that they sought solace in a pun with the aid of the good book.

Large figures have been thrown around in the press seemingly in a desperate attempt to make one of the big clubs splash the cash. Benfica defender David Luiz had been rumoured in The Sun to be signing for Chelsea for £23million, but the Portuguese side rejected the offer. Having witnessed many transfer sagas over the years the tabloid responded to the situation with an admirable pragmatism.

Can you believe it? Wigan star Mohamed Diame had the cheek to suggest that Wigan isn’t as an exciting place to live as Madrid. The former Rayo Vallecano player has clearly yet to discover that Wigan is a hotspot for culture vultures and party animals. The Daily Mirror slammed his temerity with the aid of a pun and Wigan chairman Dave Whelan has offered to take him for a night out on the town to show him what his new home has to offer. Reports of Diame being seen fleeing on foot are so far unconfirmed.

Since Kenny Dalglish wrestled the number one spot away from Roy Hodgson, the mood on Merseyside has been considerably sunnier, as their early season blues have been swept away by the return of the King. With the might of Dalglish propelling them forward nothing can seemingly stop the optimism of fans and the team, not even a lacklustre display against Fulham, as when things are going your way, someone will oblige with a comically fantastic own goal and John Pantsil duly did so, although The Sun seemed intent on attributing the win to a pair of lucky undercrackers.